


Like Sora

by Palizinha



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/F, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, and very sokai, minor rokunami, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 20:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17967521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Palizinha/pseuds/Palizinha
Summary: After Sora's disappearance, Kairi deals with the fact that there is still someone walking around with his face.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t that Kairi disliked Xion.

From the little they knew each other, Xion seemed liked a perfectly nice person.

But whenever Kairi looked at her, she saw Sora.

From what she understood, because Xion had been created from memories, she took different forms depending on who looked at her. Her normal form – the one most of their friends saw – had Kairi’s face and black hair. But Kairi was unable to see anything but Sora.

It had been a surprise, during the fight in Keyblade Graveyard before Xemnas took her, to see another Sora, but she hadn’t had time to react then. After Sora saved her, and she had to go tell everyone he was gone, to see someone who looked just like him… it had been unnerving.

And the worst part was, Xion reminded her a lot of Sora. If she didn’t think too much about it, she could even pretend she _was_ Sora. Kairi knew this wasn’t fair to the girl, who was definitely her own person, but it was often how she felt.

It usually wasn’t an issue, because they didn’t see each other very often, and they had never been alone together before.

But Xion had gone to Destiny Islands to visit Naminé earlier that day, and was now standing in front of Kairi, looking just like Sora.

“Xion,” Kairi said, unsure on what had even prompted her to talk. Xion looked at her, and her head was slightly tilted, just like Sora’s when he was confused. And she felt a small pang in her heart at the thought. “I was wondering, how’s Lea doing over at Twilight Town?” she finished lamely, anything she may have planned to say leaving her head at the thought of Sora.

“He’s doing well,” Xion said with Sora’s smile. “I think he’s having a good time training under Aqua when it comes to the Keyblade, but he goofs off a lot to spend time with us, since Roxas and I decided not to keep fighting.”

Kairi tried to hide her surprise at learning that. She was sure someone had mentioned it before, but she usually found it hard to concentrate when Xion was in the room.

“I see Sora when I look at you,” Kairi blurted out, unable to keep her mouth shut now that she and Xion were alone.  Kairi then realized what she said and winced, Xion probably wouldn’t like knowing that.

“I know,” Xion nodded. “Well. I suspected it. You always act weird around me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Xion said, waving her hands a little. “I look the way I look to most people because of Sora’s memories of you, so it makes sense your memories of Sora would be just as strong.”

How understanding Xion was made Kairi feel bad, but she was glad Xion didn’t mind it. Or, well, at least she didn’t blame Kairi for it.

“I hope we can be friends anyway,” Xion said with a small smile. “Sora cares a lot about you, having his memories… well, I always wanted to meet you, at least once.”

The words seemed familiar in Kairi’s mind, like she had said them before. Brushing it off, Kairi smiled and offered her hand to Xion. “Friends?”

Sora – _Xion_ – grinned at her before taking her hand. “Friends.”

Naminé came back then, had gone back to the main Island to pick up something she and Xion had been talking about.

Kairi couldn’t help but look at Xion while she talked animatedly with Naminé, because Sora’s movements – or, well, Xion’s movements in Sora’s face – were so much like what she was used to seeing from him, it hurt.

Not for the first time, Kairi hoped Sora would come back soon. And she was sure he would, as long as they believed in him. A part of her wanted to go searching for him, but Riku and Yen Sid had talked her out of it.

But Sora would return. And maybe when he did, she would be able to look at Xion and see the person everyone else did.

Because now, everything she saw was Sora. Even the parts of Xion that were nothing like him – the parts that came from her, the parts unique to Xion – reminded Kairi of him.

It wasn’t until Xion was leaving for the day after spending a while more with Naminé that Kairi realized there was a problem, that the weirdness she felt around Xion wasn’t gone just because of their little talk.

Because seeing Sora – _Xion_ – leave her behind was painful.

“Don’t go,” Kairi said, taking Xion’s hand before she could process what she was doing. “I don’t want you to leave me again!”

Xion turned to look at Kairi, stepping down from her Gummi Ship, and the serious expression with her face was the first thing that didn’t match Sora at all. That was when Kairi realized what had just happened, and she freed Xion’s hand like it burned.

“Kairi… I’m not-

“I know,” Kairi cut her off. “You’re not Sora.”

Xion wasn’t Sora. Kairi knew that. But it was so easy to forget that when looking at – _her_.

“Kairi, do you like it when you think I’m Sora?” Xion asked, a bit hesitantly. “Because if it will make you feel better, you can talk to me like I’m him. Maybe it will help you sort out your feelings.”

It was an odd offer, but what around her hadn’t been odd since Destiny Islands fell to darkness?

Kairi looked around to make sure Naminé wasn’t close, and realized her new sister had gone home already.

“I miss you,” Kairi said, looking at Sora’s face. Xion didn’t say anything, and Kairi forgot it wasn’t actually Sora in front of her. “I really miss you, why won’t you just come back?”

Kairi could feel tears fall down her face, and she started to ramble, to say anything she wanted Sora to know, from Riku’s journey around the worlds to search for new Keyblade wielders, to Naminé being adopted by the same man that had adopted her, she just talked.

Kairi sometimes wrote letters to Sora, because she liked talking to him, but she didn’t feel as close to him then as she did now. It was more powerful when Sora was staring back at her, even when it wasn’t really him.

Xion let her talk, and after a few more minutes Kairi just hugged her. Sora’s hug felt the same even when coming from someone else, and Kairi let herself believe he was back, for just a moment.

Xion finally stepped back, and gave Kairi a small smile. “I hope that helped,” she said, nodding at Kairi.

“It did,” Kairi admitted. “I think it helped more than I thought it would.”

And it was true. Kairi hadn’t felt that close to Sora since he had disappeared while holding her hand, or maybe before that, when they had first found each other again after Xehanort killed her.

“I’m glad,” Xion said. “Kairi, I… look, if you need anything, I’m just a Gummi Ship trip away. We’re friends now, right?”

“We are,” Kairi smiled weakly, tears still blurring her vision.

Xion finally left, and Kairi walked home, her mind still on Sora’s – _Xion’s_ – hug. That had been the happiest she felt since…

A part of Kairi realized that might be a bad idea, but she didn’t care.

She’d do anything to feel like that again.


	2. Chapter 2

Kairi needed a Gummi Ship.

She hadn’t thought about it after Sora had saved her, but Riku wasn’t in Destiny Islands and she really wanted to go to Twilight Town.

Naminé had been picked up by Riku, and hadn’t wanted to leave since, so she hadn’t gotten one either. Which meant Kairi would have to call Riku in the Gummiphone and hope he’d pick it up.

After a couple tries, Riku accepted the call.

“Kairi,” Riku said, looking around. “I’m not sure I have time to talk, Heartless are attacking the world I’m in and I’m the only one who can get rid of them. Did you need anything?”

“When you’re free, can you come pick me up? I think I need a Gummi Ship of my own.”

Riku nodded. “As soon as I’m done with this I’ll take you to Disney Castle, Chip and Dale can probably whip one out for you.”

“Thanks, Riku,” Kairi said. “See you later.”

Riku nodded and disconnected the call, clearly already holding his Keyblade again.

Kairi knew it was going to take a while until Riku was free, so she spent the rest of the day with Naminé. The two weren’t as close as Kairi wished they were yet, but they got along well. She was sure they’d be better friends with time.

When Riku knocked on Kairi’s door, she was the one to open it. He smiled at her, though it was a weaker smile than she was used to – it always was these days, with both of them so worried about Sora. “It’s late, do you want to wait until tomorrow to go to Disney Castle, or should we just go now?”

“Let’s just go,” Kairi said, waving at Naminé before going with Riku to his Gummi Ship.

The trip was silent, neither of them talking to each other that much anymore. Kairi wasn’t sure when they had drifted off, but it had happened before Destiny Islands fell to darkness. Things between them had been so much easier when they were younger.

Maybe that was just because Sora had been there as well back then.

Chip and Dale were happy to help, and King Mickey had agreed to let Kairi and Riku stay the night while they waited for the Gummi Ship to be ready.

The next morning, Kairi was given a few instructions on how to travel with a Gummi Ship, and Riku left, saying something about having met someone with the potential to be a Keyblade wielder in the world he had gone to.

Kairi wondered how Aqua and Terra were doing taking care of the new recruits, both of them were Masters now. She knew she had to keep working in her own Mastery of the Keyblade, but she hadn’t been able to keep her head in the game when she went to Terra for training. When Sora came back, he would probably go to Destiny Islands, and she wanted to be there for it.

It annoyed her to have to wait at home again, but her connection to Sora felt so weak now, she didn’t know what else she could do.

But despite how weak their connection was, it still existed. Which meant Sora was fine, somewhere, just far away.

Kairi had been so lost in her own thoughts she barely noticed the time it took to travel from Disney Castle to Twilight Town.

It hadn’t been too long since she had been there, as the forest she and Lea had trained in was connected to it, but it felt like it.

Kairi knew Xion, Lea and their friends liked to go to the clock tower, so that was where she went, but looking from the bottom it didn’t seem like they were there at the moment.

She really needed to learn where they lived.

“Kairi,” she heard a voice behind her, and turned to see Isa. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I wanted to talk to Xion,” she said, because it felt awkward to say that she wanted to see Sora, but since that wasn’t possible at the moment, she wanted to go to Xion instead.

“She’s at school right now,” Isa said, moving his head to indicate that Kairi should follow him. “Xion and Roxas have been doing really well at school, despite not having any prior education. Lea is very proud.”

And from his voice, so was he. Kairi didn’t know a lot about the relationship Isa had with the others, but she knew it was a complicated one. Lea had mentioned it during their training.

“When does school end?” Kairi asked. Looking at the giant clock tower, she could see the time, but Twilight Town was tidally locked, so it was confusing otherwise.

“It should be over soon, why don’t we go over to our place and you can wait for Xion there?” Isa led Kairi to the house he shared with Lea, Xion and Roxas, and Kairi tried to memorize the directions. It could be useful in the future.

She didn’t have to wait too long before hearing Roxas’ voice. “And he thought he was better than me in Struggle, I’ll have to show who’s really the boss first opportunity I get!”

“I’m sure you’ll do great, Roxas,” Kairi heard Sora’s voice, and knew Xion was with him.

“Yeah! He’s so gonna regret challenging me,” Roxas stopped talking when he saw Kairi. “Kairi!” Roxas looked at Xion, like he was waiting for her opinion on Kairi’s presence.

Kairi wondered if Xion had told him what had happened the last time they saw each other. She hoped she hadn’t.

“Hey, Roxas,” Kairi said, not paying much attention to him. “Xion, can I talk to you?”

Xion looked at Kairi without speaking for a few seconds, and Kairi was afraid she would say no, but then Xion nodded. Roxas gave Kairi a dark look, but didn’t say anything.

Xion had definitely told Roxas the truth, though she didn’t understand why he seemed angry about it.

Kairi walked out of the house with Xion, letting her lead their way since she didn’t know Twilight Town that well.

“I know I said you were free to come here when you wanted,” Xion said. “But I didn’t expect you to come so soon. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I wrote a couple letters to Sora recently, I was wondering if you’d be alright with me speaking them to you. It… helped, last time.”

Sora – _Xion_ – looked sad for a moment, but then nodded. “I’m happy it made you feel better,” Xion sat in one of the benches in the sandlot. “I’m alright with you doing that.”

Kairi smiled, feeling truly _happy_ for a change, and got the letters she had in her pocket.

 She went thought the letters, glancing over at Sora – _Xion_ – from time to time. She had once thought she didn’t need to see Sora in order to enjoy talking to him through letters, but it had been so long since she had seen him, being around Xion helped.

It was the only time where she didn’t miss Sora more than anything.

After she was done reading the letters, Kairi looked up to Xion one more time, and couldn’t quite interpret the look on her face – it was definitely an expression she had seen on Sora before, but not one she was used to.

It was like when Sora had looked at her when they were sitting in the Paopu tree, the day before the Keyblade Graveyard.

The look that had made Kairi want to kiss him more than she ever had before – though she hadn’t kissed him. Maybe she should have.

A part of her wondered if kissing Xion would be like kissing Sora, if it could give her an idea of what she wanted to do when he came back.

She wouldn’t, of course (she highly doubted Xion would agree to that, Kairi didn’t know how Xion was even alright with what they were already doing). But it did make her wonder.

“Thank you, Xion,” Kairi finally said.

Xion smiled at her, and Sora’s smile hurt to see. “I’m going to meet the guys in the clocktower soon. You wanna come with us?”

“To eat sea-salt ice cream, right?” Kairi smiled, remembering the times Lea had given her one during their training in the forest. “That sounds fun.”

Xion grinned and got up from the bench, offering a hand to Kairi. Kairi took it and got up, following Xion to the clocktower.

It was nice that they were friends, despite everything that was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

Every time Xion went to Destiny Islands, it took Kairi a moment to realize Sora wasn’t back.

There was always disappointment, and Kairi felt guilty for it, but a part of her always, always hoped it was actually Sora.

But it never was.

“I don’t think I should have come today,” Xion said, and Kairi, who had been looking at Naminé and Roxas, turned to look at her.

“Why? You’re always welcome here,” Kairi said, because for all that Xion being there made her feel, she did like her, and was happy when Xion visited.

“Oh, that’s not the issue,” Xion motioned to Naminé and Roxas. “Roxas didn’t say anything before we left, but I’m pretty sure these two want to be alone.”

“I didn’t know Roxas and Naminé were a thing,” Kairi didn’t think Naminé had ever mentioned anything, at least.

“Yeah, Roxas says that there’s nothing there. That when he thought there was it was just because of… well, you and Sora,” Xion looked at Roxas, and Kairi was sure she was seeing the same thing as her – somone who definitely had feelings for the person next to him. “I’m very convinced that’s not true, however.”

Roxas and Naminé. Kairi couldn’t say she was that surprised, but it did make her wonder if their feelings were somehow influenced by their previous status as Nobodies of her and Sora. But maybe even if that was how things between them began, it didn’t have to stay like that forever. They could make their own story.

“You up for going over to the main island and leaving them here alone?” Kairi asked, and the idea sounded better than she expected.

Xion grinned at her, and Kairi ignored the small pang in her heart at seeing it. “Kairi, I think you just had a great idea.”

Xion waved Roxas over, and he stopped talking to Naminé to jog over to her. “Something’s up?” Roxas asked, throwing a look at Kairi. Not for the first time, Kairi wondered what Roxas had against her.

“Kairi and I are going to the main island for a bit, we’ll be back later,” Xion said, and Roxas took a moment to look at her.

“I don’t think… wait, is this about Naminé?” Roxas asked, and Kairi was amused to see a small blush form in his face. “Because I already told you that…”

“I know, I know,” Xion teased him. Roxas turned his face, and Kairi watched Xion laugh. She had a good laugh, a bit different from Sora’s, even with his voice.

Xion and Kairi ignored Roxas’ protests, and Kairi rowed them to the main island. She had done it so many times in her life she barely noticed it anymore.

“So, what do you want to do?” Xion asked after they reached the main island. “I haven’t been here much, but it feels like I’ve known it all my life,” she mused, looking around. “I saw you here once, you know? During my year in the Organization.”

“I didn’t remember Sora, so I promised myself I wouldn’t go to the play island until I did,” Kairi shared, remembering how much it had felt like something was missing then. It wasn’t that different from how she felt now, but at least she could remember Sora this time.

“I used to go to the play island sometimes, to pick up seashells,” Xion said. “When Roxas was in a coma, I’d come over every day, and then I’d leave the seashell in his bed. But I only came over to the main island once. That was when I saw you.”

Kairi wondered how Xion had felt when she saw her for the first time. She had Sora’s memories back then, so Kairi probably felt very familiar despite them not knowing each other. A part of Kairi wished Xion had come over to say hi, but that probably would have been strange.

“Is that what you want to do now? Pick up seashells?” Kairi asked, remembering that Xion and Naminé did that together sometimes.

“I’m game if you are,” Xion said, looking over at the beach.

“Well, I’ll have you know that’s a skill I mastered over most of my life,” Kairi had always liked doing that, maybe that was why Xion and Naminé liked it as well, or maybe there was no correlation. She supposed there was no way to know.

“Well, so have I! Granted, my life so far has been significantly shorter than yours.”

That was true, wasn’t it? It was hard to remember sometimes that Xion, Roxas and Naminé had only started to exist two years ago. There was always so much life in them, Kairi wondered how hard it must have been for them to think they didn’t deserve to exist.

If there was something she had learned after everything, was that they were just as much people as she was, and it sucked that they once believed otherwise. Kairi knew she wasn’t honoring Xion’s right as her own person by treating her like she was Sora sometimes, but she hoped Xion knew it wasn’t something she did maliciously.

Sometimes – like now – she didn’t really see Xion and Sora as being that similar, despite having the same appearance, but other times she missed Sora so much, it was just…

“Kairi, are you alright?” Xion asked, and Kairi startled, having been a bit too lost in her own thoughts.

“We’re friends, right?” Kairi asked instead of answering. Because she did consider Xion her friend, separated from whatever she and Sora were.

“Of course!” Xion smiled. “I always considered you my friend, even before we met. Is that weird?”

“Maybe to other people it would be, but with our life? That’s far from the weirdest thing I’ve heard this week,” Kairi joked, happy with Xion’s answer.

Kairi knew how it had felt, to not remember Sora. Maybe remembering someone you don’t know could be just as painful. Roxas didn’t seem to have the same opinion of her that Xion did, but Xion had been the one to have Sora’s memories of her. Maybe to Roxas, Kairi had never really existed until the week where Riku, Ansem and Naminé had put him inside the Data Twilight Town.

It felt weird to ask that, so instead Kairi just started looking for seashells, and Xion followed her lead.

The two spent a while together, and it was one of the best days Kairi had had in a while. Not as good as it would have been if Sora was back, but better than most days were in this new normal she hoped would be over soon.

“We should probably get back, Roxas and I have to go home soon,” Xion finally said, looking at the seashells they had collected. “Isa worries.”

Kairi was a bit sad that their time together was over, it was the first time she had ever been able to be around Xion without wishing for Sora (more than she did at all times, anyway). Maybe she would never ask Xion to pretend to be Sora again. That felt like the right thing to do, even if Xion said she didn’t mind it.

At the same time, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to never ask again.

But she’d try.


	4. Chapter 4

“W-what did you say?” Kairi asked, sure she must have heard Riku’s words wrong.

“I’m not joking, Kairi. Yen Sid thinks he found a lead on Sora’s whereabouts,” Riku said, and Kairi could tell he was trying not to hope too much.

“But he isn’t sure?” This was the closest to Sora they had gotten this entire time, if Yen Sid was wrong…

No, he couldn’t be. He wouldn’t get their hopes up for no reason. If he thought he knew where Sora was, that was where Sora had to be.

“Can I go with you?” Kairi asked. She knew she wasn’t as powerful as Riku, and she feared he’d have to protect her in that journey. But if they knew where Sora was, she had to go to get him. She just had to.

“That’s exactly why I came here to tell you about this,” Riku smiled, and Kairi thought that was the first time since Sora disappeared that she had seen him happy. “Let’s go.”

“Right!”

The Gummi Ship trip to the Mysterious Tower was a quiet one, Kairi didn’t know what to say, afraid that speaking about her hopes would somehow make this journey fail. That it would cause Sora’s trail to disappear.

When they got there, King Mickey was already in the room, as were Ventus, Donald and Goofy.

“Riku, Kairi, good,” Yen Sid said. “I was waiting for you.”

“Master Yen Sid, what did you find?” King Mickey asked.

“I don’t want you to think I’m sure about this,” Yen Sid started. “But I was looking into the power of waking, to know what happens to those that abuse it, and I found information about a world, one where the Master of Masters, the first Keyblade Master in history, is rumored to have ended up after abusing the power.”

“I thought he was never seen again after disappearing,” Ven said. “Master Eraqus told us about him, he’s a legend.”

“That’s where history is clouded, and it’s why I’m not sure this is what truly happened. But one of the Lost Masters, the Master of Masters’ apprentices, was said to have seen him again, in a place called Verum Rex.”

“Isn’t that the game Rex thought Sora was from in Toy Box?” Goofy asked. “I think he thought Sora’s name was Yozora. Are you saying Yozora is real?”

“I do not know,” Yen Sid said. “But I think this is worth looking into. I think sending all of you is the best to be done. I would have liked to include Roxas and Xion as well, due to their strong connection to Sora, but they do not want to be sent into battles again, and I’m respecting that wish.”

Kairi waited as Yen Sid coordinated with Chip and Dale the localization of Verum Rex, and they all used the Gummi Ship to get to that world.

“I think it’s best for us to split up,” King Mickey said, taking lead in the situation. “Maybe Riku and Kairi, Donald and Goofy, and me and Ven? We’ll meet back up here in three hours, regardless of whether we have found anything or not.”

Kairi tried to ignore the fact that her connection to Sora didn’t feel any stronger now than it had since he went missing. That didn’t mean anything.

They went their separate ways, and Riku and Kairi walked for a while without talking, looking for any clues that their best friend was somewhere to be found. Before too long, they met someone in the street, and if it weren’t for his mismatched eyes, Kairi could have confused him with Riku.

“Who are you?” The man asked, pointing his sword at them. “You’re new here, and no one new comes to this place, not after…”

“We’re Riku and Kairi,” Riku said. “We’re looking for a friend of ours, that disappeared a while ago. His name is Sora. Have you seen him?”

The man looked with suspicion at them, clearly not believing they were there just to look for someone. Considering how desert the place was, Kairi couldn’t blame him for thinking there was something wrong with their presence there.

But they couldn’t tell him they were from another world – it was necessary to maintain the world order – so they just had to convince him otherwise.

“Like I said, no one new comes to this place, and I’ve never met someone named Sora,” the man said. So Sora wasn’t there? Kairi needed to believe he was wrong. “I’m Yozora, the True King. Not that this matters anymore.”

He was a King? Though Kairi supposed there wasn’t much point to being the King of a place like Verum Rex was turning out to be.

Before they could say anything else, Heartless appeared, and Kairi was surprised to notice there were more of them than usual.

“Not those guys again,” King Yozora said, taking out his crossbow and attacking them with both crossbow and sword. Riku and Kairi summoned their Keyblades to help him.

They fought for a while, but while there were many Heartless, none of them were that strong, so it didn’t take too long.

“Thank you for your help,” King Yozora said, a bit stiff. “I’ve been having trouble with those monsters lately, like the Gigas weren’t enough.”

“Gigas?” Riku asked.

“They’re robots created by a faction trying to steal my throne, and they took… well, everyone I care about,” King Yozora looked sad before schooling his features, and Kairi knew he was just trying to look strong despite how much pain he was in. “I refuse to give up, however. I’m the True King, and my friends would never forgive me if I gave up just because they aren’t here.”

“You’ll find them again one day,” Kairi said. Just like they would find Sora again, maybe really soon.

King Yozora looked at Kairi, and she couldn’t interpret what the look on his face meant. “I’m sure you’ll find your friend again as well,” he said. “I could help you look for him, if you’re sure he’s here.”

“A lead we got indicated he’s here, but our informant wasn’t sure,” Riku shared.

Kairi wasn’t sure whether they could trust King Yozora, but another pair of eyes couldn’t hurt. And if he saw someone he didn’t know, it would have to be Sora.

“Let us hope we will all find those we search for,” King Yozora said. “I know the kingdom well, of course. I could take you to the place most of the people I know are hiding, if your friend is here, that’s likely where he would end up. In return, you can help me take care of those monsters if they appear, as well as Gigas.”

“Thank you,” Kairi said. Having someone local helping them would be useful, and it wasn’t like they wouldn’t fight Heartless anyway.

Their walk to the place King Yozora spoke of was interrupted by Heartless a few times, though not by Gigas, but when Kairi checked on her Gummiphone (making sure King Yozora wouldn’t see it), it wasn’t the time they had agreed with King Mickey yet.

“Here we are,” King Yozora pointed at a castle, and it really looked out of place next to all the buildings. It had probably been there for a long time, even if it was well-preserved. “It’s not supposed to be open to commoners, but it’s the only place in town with enough defense to withstand Gigas. I haven’t been in there in a while, so maybe that’s why I haven’t seen your friend.”

Kairi and Riku looked at one another, both of them knowing that was their best shot at finding Sora. If he wasn’t there, Kairi didn’t know how it would feel.

“Your Majesty,” a Knight said, opening a path for them to cross. “I didn’t know you were coming here today, weren’t you out of town looking for…”

“I didn’t find him” King Yozora cut the Knight off. “I did find these two, however. Has anyone new appeared to find refuge here recently?”

“No, sir,” the Knight said. “Most people who aren’t here have fled the kingdom, as you know. I don’t remember anyone new since you left.”

So Sora couldn’t be here. Kairi knew there was a chance Yen Sid’s lead wouldn’t result in anything, but…

“I’m sorry,” King Yozora said, probably noticing how Kairi’s face crumbled. “I’m afraid I can’t help you look for your friend out of the kingdom, because I need to protect it. Are you staying here? I know you two can handle yourselves in a fight, but it’s dangerous outside.”

“No, we have to go,” Riku said, and Kairi knew he was just as affected by knowing Sora wasn’t here as she was.

In theory it was possible he was in this world but not in this town, but maybe her connection to Sora still feeling weak meant he wasn’t in Verum Rex at all.

Their only choice was to hope the others had found a lead.

“It’s almost time to meet the others,” Kairi noted. “Riku, I think we should go.”

“Good luck finding your friend, Riku and Kairi,” King Yozora said.

“Good luck finding yours,” Kairi replied.

King Yozora gave them a final nod then walked into the castle, and Riku and Kairi turned to go find the others.

“Did you find anything?” Donald asked. “Goofy and I went to a village nearby, but we didn’t see anyone. This whole world looks deserted.”

“We met someone, but he didn’t see Sora,” Riku said.

“Finding anyone is more than we did, honestly,” Ven said. “And my connection to Sora didn’t spike up at all. I don’t think he’s here.”

“I don’t think so either,” Kairi admitted, and Riku shot her a betrayed look. But for all that she wanted to lie to herself, she couldn’t. Sora could be in the same place as King Yozora’s missing friends were, assuming they were still in this world, but if that were the case, wouldn’t she be able to feel him?

They had failed, Sora wasn’t in Verum Rex. Kairi would say she didn’t know for sure he was anywhere, but she couldn’t let one useless trip take away her hope. She and Sora were forever part of each other’s lives, he wasn’t gone.

But she did need to do something.

She may have thought she wouldn't do something like this again, but she knew what she needed, if it couldn’t be Sora.

She needed to go see Xion.


	5. Chapter 5

Kairi barely remembered the meeting at the Mysterious Tower afterwards.

She regretted going there with Riku’s Gummi Ship instead of her own, but at the time she hadn’t even thought about what she would do if they didn’t find Sora. She hadn’t wanted to believe they wouldn’t find Sora.

But they hadn’t. And now…

Now, she needed to go to Twilight Town.

It was the only thing that would help. The only thing that _could_ help. Unless Sora just magically fell from the sky, and a part of Kairi – a part she heavily disliked – was starting to wonder if they were even going to see Sora again one day.

That was a thought that couldn’t stay in her head, and she was sure it wouldn’t. But right now, she needed more than a happy thought. She needed the closest thing to Sora around, and for all that she didn’t like that, it was Xion.

Kairi noticed, after a while, that Riku wasn’t paying that much attention to the meeting either, and she knew he missed Sora as much as she did. They had both allowed themselves to hope they’d be reunited soon, and the result…

The result was Kairi feeling out of options. The result was Kairi going against one of her recent decisions simply because it was too painful that Sora wasn’t there.

“Can you take me back to Destiny Islands?” Kairi asked Riku quietly, while Master Yen Sid and King Mickey discussed something about Verum Rex, the idea of going back there. But Kairi saw no point to it.

Maybe King Yozora needed help to find his friends, but she was sure he could take care of that by himself. Sora would probably return to help, but she wasn’t Sora. Sora wasn’t there.

Those thoughts were probably not what one would expect of a Princess of Heart, but Kairi didn’t see much point in holding that title. It only made her a target, and that wasn’t something she would wish on anyone. Especially after Sora disappeared because of her.

“Would that make you feel better? Because maybe if you do, I won’t feel like this anymore,” Riku sounded upset, and Kairi knew the feeling. She wouldn’t tell him that she was only going to Destiny Islands to pick up her own Gummi Ship. Riku saw what everyone else did when he looked at Xion, he wouldn’t understand what seeing Sora was like to her.

“I’m not sure anything would make me feel better,” Kairi admitted. Xion was her only hope, but she still knew nothing could compare to seeing Sora again.

“Me either,” Riku said. He looked over at the others. “Are we done here? I need to give Kairi a lift back to the Islands, and I’m going to another world afterwards to kill some Heartless.”

Kairi supposed they all had their own ways of dealing with loss, and throwing himself into adventuring seemed to have become Riku’s.

Sora traveled worlds a lot, maybe that made Riku feel closer to him.

“I think this meeting is over,” Master Yen Sid said. “I’m sorry if I made everyone feel too hopeful, but I’m going to keep looking, and maybe soon we’ll get another lead on Sora. I think I speak for all of us when I say that Sora is out there somewhere. He’s not gone, and none of us are giving up on him.”

Kairi walked out with Riku, and after they landed on Destiny Islands she watched his Gummi Ship fly away.

It didn’t take her long to start up her own Ship, setting course to Twilight Town. It was a bit late, but with any luck Xion wouldn’t be sleeping yet.

After getting there, Kairi tried to remember the place Isa had taken her to, and it didn’t take her too long for her to find their house. It was a good thing she had good memory for places.

She knocked on the door, and Lea answered.

“Kairi,” Lea said, a bit surprised. “Did you find Sora? King Mickey appeared earlier today to see if I wanted to join the search, but I didn’t think I’d help much.”

“Can I talk to Xion?” Kairi asked, feeling a bit bad about ignoring Lea like that, but… she had gone there for a reason.

“She’s doing homework, but I think she’d be alright with you interrupting her,” Lea said. “I’m guessing the Sora thing was a bust? I’m sorry.”

“So am I,” Kairi said honestly, stopping to look at Lea. They had become friends when they were training together, but after everything, Lea had gotten caught up on the fact he had all his friends back, and Kairi had been too upset over Sora. She hoped he still considered her a friend, anyway. “The Sora thing not working out is why I want to talk to Xion.”

Lea’s face closed off, and Kairi wondered whether Xion had told all her friends about her seeing Xion as Sora. It made sense, considering they were so close, and while she didn’t think she had done anything too bad, maybe Xion’s friends not seeing it the same way meant Xion didn’t feel the same way.

But she would have said something if it bothered her that much, wouldn’t she?

Kairi didn’t like treating Xion like she was Sora just to feel better, but it wasn’t anything that terrible. Xion wouldn’t let her do it if she considered that going too far. Xion was nice, but not nice enough to put up with something that hurt her feelings.

Kairi thought she at least knew Xion well enough to know that.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lea,” Kairi walked inside the house, finding Xion working on homework. The first moment she saw Sora without it being him always hurt, but it was especially bad this time around.

“I heard you and Lea at the door, did you guys not find anything about Sora?” Xion asked, looking up at Kairi.

“No,” Kairi said. “I think this whole trip was… look, can we talk outside?”

Xion nodded. As she and Kairi walked, Kairi wondered how to bring up the subject of how she was feeling. Maybe seeing Sora in Xion hurt, but it also had the same effect as being around Sora for real – looking at Sora’s face felt like home. It always had.

Even before Destiny Islands felt like home to her, being with Sora felt familiar. Like she was always meant to know him.

“What happened?” Xion asked, after they walked in silence for a while.

“We went to a place called Verum Rex, based off something Master Yen Sid found out, but he wasn’t there,” Kairi said, and they passed through Merlin, but she didn’t feel like going to talk to him. None of that mattered at the moment. “I’m feeling like Sora is even further away than he already was.”

“Can’t you feel Sora?” Xion’s hand went up to her chest. “It’s weak now, but I can still feel him. He’ll be alright.”

Kairi knew she needed to believe that, and most of the time she did.

“It’s Sora. He always bounces back, doesn’t he?” Kairi tried to smile, but she knew it probably looked weak. “I’m not sure I’m as good at doing that.”

“You’re just hurt,” Xion said. “You got your hopes up, and it didn’t work out. That doesn’t mean the next time it won’t. And maybe you won’t even need to find Sora. He always finds his way back to you.”

“I just wish we weren’t always trying to find each other,” Kairi confessed. “We spend more time apart than together, and it’s unfair. I’m tired of it. When will this whole thing be over, and we’ll finally get a chance to just… be?”

Xion didn’t say anything, and Kairi knew she was just letting her ramble. And while that did make her feel better (talking to Sora always helped, apparently even when the one she was talking to wasn’t really Sora), it wasn’t enough.

She wasn’t sure what _would_ be enough. Besides seeing Sora again, but that clearly wasn’t an option.

“Did you want to talk to me because I look like Sora to you?” Xion asked. “To make you miss him less?”

That wasn’t entirely it. Xion didn’t just look like Sora, she also reminded Kairi a lot of him most of the time. She felt like him, even.

Her connection to Sora was weak, but if felt stronger when she was next to Xion, even more than around Roxas.

“I wanted to feel closer to him,” Kairi answered honestly. “When I’m with you… it feels like Sora. Not entirely the same, but close. Being around you is the only time I feel happy.”

“Oh,” Xion said. “I…” Xion trailed off, and Kairi wasn’t sure what she had been planning to say.

“Do you think Sora feels the same way I do? Do you think he tries his hardest to feel closer to us? To me?”

“Sora loves all his friends, but you’re his strongest memory,” Xion said. “I’m the living proof of that, even if you can’t see that when you look at me. So, yes, I think so.”

“Can I pretend you’re Sora, for just a moment?” Kairi can’t stop herself from asking. Maybe just one more time wouldn’t hurt.

“Kairi, I don’t think…” Xion sighed. “I’m fine with it, but I think that’s a bit unhealthy, for you. I’m never going to be Sora.”

Kairi knew that, but sometimes that didn’t matter.

“Please. Just one more time.”

Xion closed her eyes and nodded. When Sora’s blue eyes looked at her again, Kairi let herself get lost in them, trying to forget the fact he wasn’t there.

Sora was there. They were finally together again. She knew it wasn’t true, but she did her best to pretend otherwise. She could almost forget it was just pretending.

And at the end of the day, there was one thing Kairi had been planning on doing when she saw him again, and that wish was strong in her mind.

Without thinking about it, Kairi moved forward for a kiss.

She closed her eyes, and ignored the faint taste of sea-salt ice cream.

Sora let out a strange sound, but didn’t protest the kiss. Didn’t move into the kiss either, but let her do it.

Kairi wouldn’t say it was everything she imagined – not when at the back of her mind, she knew it wasn’t truly happening – but it was good.

It was nice.

When Kairi opened her eyes again and moved away, Sora – _Xion_ – moved her hand to her mouth, and Kairi tried to stifle a giggle at Sora’s confused face. Even not coming from him, it was familiar.

“I didn’t plan that,” Kairi admitted, because she truly hadn’t. She had thought of doing that before, but she went against that wish for a reason. But this time, she just couldn’t… “I’m sorry.”

“W-Well,” Xion stammered. “As far as first kisses go, I suppose I could do worse than you.” Kairi knew Xion was trying to make a joke, but she still felt bad. That hadn’t been the plan.

Xion was her first kiss too. She always thought it would be Sora, always wished it would be Sora. But it hadn’t been. And that wasn’t as bad a thing as she might have thought. If it wasn’t Sora, Kairi was a bit glad it was Xion, though she didn’t know why.

Maybe it was just because at the moment, she had let herself believe it was Sora.

“So…” Xion said awkwardly. “It’s a bit late, and I still have homework to do.”

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to hold you up for this long,” Kairi apologized, and they walked back to Xion’s house. Xion kept looking at Kairi and then looking away, and Kairi wished she hadn’t made things so awkward between them.

“See you,” Xion said, and then looked down.

Kairi nodded, and watched Xion enter her house.

It had been a terrible day, followed by a strange night.

Kairi promised herself that this time, she wouldn’t go to Xion for something like this again. If it wasn’t for everything with Sora, she would have already stopped it.

This time, she wouldn’t do it again.

Even if a part of her was still thinking about that kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Ven’s seventeenth birthday was the first time they were all together in a while.

Not _all_ of them, of course, but as many as they could be until Sora returned.

Apparently Ven couldn’t remember his actual birthday, even after getting his memories of his time with Xehanort back, so when Ven had first started to train under Master Eraqus, Terra and Aqua had come up with a new one for him.

Making a big party for his birthday had been Aqua’s idea, and a part of Kairi hadn’t wanted to be there. It felt wrong, without Sora. But Ven was one of her friends, so she couldn’t miss it.

Aqua’s and Terra’s new Keyblade apprentices, Liam and Rafia, were there, and it was Kairi’s first time meeting them, as she hadn’t gone to the Land of Departure since before Riku had found them.

It was also Kairi’s first time seeing Xion since they had kissed.

Xion had been in Destiny Islands once, afterwards, but Kairi had ended up avoiding her the whole time. She had thought she could handle seeing Xion again with no problems as long as they didn’t talk about the kiss, but the moment she saw Xion’s Gummi Ship in the distance, she had just gone after Selphie and spent all day with her while Naminé presumably spent time with Xion.

Xion was more Naminé’s friend that Kairi’s, really. Kairi wasn’t sure what she and Xion even were at this point. Did friends kiss while one of them pretended to be kissing someone else?

And more than that, did friends constantly think about that kiss afterwards? Because Kairi was finding it hard to think about anything else, during the party. It was surprising Xion hadn’t noticed how much Kairi was looking at her.

“You’re quiet today,” Riku said, and Kairi stopped staring at Xion to look at him. “Is something wrong?”

“Isn’t it always?” Kairi answered, because things hadn’t been right since Sora was missing. But… “I need to talk about something. Can you spare a second for an old friend after the party?”

She hadn’t discussed the whole thing regarding Xion with anyone since it started, maybe it was time to trust Riku with this. There wasn’t anyone else she could talk about it with, besides maybe Naminé, but Riku was the only person that was more her friend than Xion’s. They weren’t that close anymore, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t the right person to go to.

“Of course,” Riku nodded, and Kairi smiled at him.

If anyone could understand what Kairi was going through, it would be him. The two of them were always tied through Sora.

It was hard to relax and enjoy the party, but Ven seemed to be having fun, so the whole thing had been worth it. She had been the one to take Naminé in her Gummi Ship – because Riku had been out of the Islands, as always. Kairi barely saw him these days.

Which was why talking to him about anything personal felt so alien, despite how close they had once been. Ever since she had ended up in the Destiny Islands, she, Riku and Sora had been inseparable. Best friends. When had that changed?

“You’re going home already?” Riku asked, as Kairi finished saying goodbye to Ven.

“Naminé wants to go home, and I’m not really in a party mood,” Kairi admitted.

“I know what you mean,” Riku nodded, and Kairi threw him a smile.

“I do want to talk to you, though,” Kairi said. “Come home when you have time, there are a few things going on.”

“I’ll be there,” Riku promised. “Kairi, I know things have been hard since Sora went missing, but the three of us… we’ll always be best friends. Regardless of how much has changed.”

And so many things had changed, hadn’t they? She remembered being sad Riku had started to change, back before everything, how afraid she had been that Riku was going down a path she couldn’t follow. When she felt like she was losing him, she had started to hold on to Sora. Maybe now that Sora wasn’t there, she needed to hold on to Riku. They could help each other.

Kairi took Naminé home, and waited for Riku to show up. He kept to his promise, and soon they were on the paopu tree, like they had been so many times in their lives.

“What’s wrong, Kairi?” Riku asked, looking at her. “I know I haven’t been around much, but I can tell something is going on with you.”

“I…” Kairi sighed. “Riku, who do you see when you look at Xion?” Kairi knew the answer, but a part of her wondered if she was truly alone in seeing Sora.

“You,” Riku said. “The first time I saw her face, I realized how much she looked like you, and it was part of why I handled things with her the way I did. Why? Naminé looks like you, too, and I didn’t think you minded it.”

“I don’t see myself when I see Xion, it would be easier if I did. I see Sora, and it hurts. I even see his clothes, you know? It isn’t just his face. To this day I have no idea what Xion even actually _wears_.”

“I didn’t know that, how come you didn’t say anything? I know how much that must be hard for you, Roxas and Ven are hard enough on me, and that’s… different.”

“Things between us haven’t been great recently, Riku,” Kairi said. “You’re always out of this world, almost as obsessed with the outside as you were last year. I know this is how you cope with Sora being gone, and I have my own way of doing that. But I’m afraid I’m way over my head with this one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like I said, I see Sora when I look at Xion, and sometimes… I like to pretend I’m actually seeing him,” Kairi confessed, and it felt weird to say that aloud, to someone that wasn’t Xion herself. “Last time I was alone with Xion, I kissed her.”

“Huh,” Riku said. “That’s… I can see what you mean. I can’t say I blame you, but at the same time… well, it’s Xion. Far too nice for her own good, just like Sora. If this bothers her, she wouldn’t say it, and I think that’s why it bothers you. You think what you’re doing is wrong, right?”

“Isn’t it? I like Xion, I think she’s a good person, but whenever I’m with her, I just want Sora. And she knows that. Considering everything she went through in the Organization, I don’t understand why she just seems worried about me in this whole mess. Shouldn’t she be thinking about herself?”

“Xion is… very noble. And she cares about you, always has. One of the first things she asked me was who you were. Sora isn’t here, so I think Xion believes the best way to handle things going forward is to take care of you until Sora gets back,” Riku gave her a serious look. “I know you don’t like feeling like people have to look after you, but if you’re going to Xion when you miss Sora, it’s because you need that.”

“So you think I could just continue doing that?” Kairi asked. “I told Xion that was the last time, and I haven’t felt the need to do it again, but I also can’t stop thinking…”

“Is this really about Sora?” Riku asked, and Kairi didn’t really understand what he meant. “Kairi, I know you love Sora, and I don’t think that’s going to change. But is this really what you want? To stay trying to see Sora when you look at Xion? To wait for him?”

“What other option do I have? We tried looking for him, and it didn’t work. You’re still looking for him, right? It’s why you go through so many worlds, why you’re never around. And that hasn’t worked either.”

Riku started to say something, and then stopped. He sighed, and for a few minutes the two stayed in silence, just keeping each other company. It was the most they had been together in ages, outside of their visit to Verum Rex.

“Riku…” Kairi said, after a while. “Do you think I’m betraying Sora by doing what I’m doing with Xion?”

“I think you believe you are,” Riku said. Kairi knew he was right, because what truly was stopping her from going to Xion again wasn’t really about what the right thing to do for Xion was. Even if she had been pretending to be with Sora at the time, she had still kissed someone else.

What if when Sora got back, he resented Kairi for it?

“I’m definitely way over my head,” Kairi smiled a bit, because this conversation had helped, in a strange way, even if it had also confused her more.

“If you need to talk about this, or anything else, you can always come to me,” Riku said, getting up from the paopu tree. “I think you’re confused, more than anything. And it’s always good to talk over things with a friend, when you need help.”

“You really have changed, Riku,” Kairi said. “I’m glad.”

“Well, at least one of us grew up,” Riku teased, and it felt good to just laugh with a friend.

Laugh was a thing that was sorely missing from Kairi’s life these days. She told Xion that being with her was the only time she felt happy, but maybe that had to change. Maybe Kairi had to learn how to move forward, until Sora returned.

Maybe she needed to face Xion, instead of continuing to avoid her.

Kairi wasn’t sure what she was feeling, regarding everything involving Xion, but…

If Xion wanted to look after her, maybe Kairi should let her. She did feel better when Xion was around, and Riku could be right when he said it wasn’t fully about Sora.

But what else it was about, Kairi had to find out.


	7. Chapter 7

Kairi was getting used to going to Twilight Town.

It had a charm, she could see why Xion and the others liked it so much. Lea had chosen to stay there instead of going back to his homeworld, Radiant Garden. Both him and Kairi had made bonds in other places despite being born there, it made Kairi think they were quite alike.

She needed to apologize to Xion for avoiding her, and then… she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know if she really understood what was going on with her when it came to Xion.

Kairi had made sure to go there after school was out. She had learned there was a two-hour difference between Destiny Islands and Twilight Town, so it was a bit later than her own school.

Though she had missed so much school, she didn’t know if it was even worth it to keep going. Her future was as a Keyblade wielder. It wasn’t like Xion and Roxas, who had chosen to have normal lives. Kairi didn’t think she could go back to normal, especially when Sora and Riku weren’t in school anymore.

A part of Kairi wondered what still tied her to Destiny Islands, when even Riku, who had been born there, had let go of the place. But she couldn’t just leave the Islands, and it wasn’t just in wait of Sora’s return. She would miss her father, and Naminé, and all her other friends.

She might be a Keyblade wielder, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t consider a place home. And for her, that was the Destiny Islands.

When she knocked on the Twilight Town gang’s door, Roxas opened it.

“Kairi,” Roxas said. “I’ve heard what you’ve been up to.”

He didn’t seem very friendly with her at the moment.

“I need to apologize to Xion,” Kairi said. “Can you let me do that?”

Roxas sighed. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Aren’t you just giving her false hope?”

“Hope for what?”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

Kairi was quite sure she did not.

“Look, I know me avoiding Xion must have upset her, but this is between us. You may be Xion’s best friend, but that doesn’t mean you can make decisions for her. And I care about Xion, too,” Kairi said.

“Roxas,” Kairi heard Xion’s voice, and could feel herself getting nervous. The hardest part of this visit was still to come. “Kairi’s right. I’m the one who gets to decide what happens now.”

“But Xion!” Roxas whined. Then he let out a sigh and nodded. “I think you probably know what you’re doing, but… I don’t care for people who hurt my friends. If Kairi upsets you further, I will be having a conversation with her. Maybe with my old Keyblades.”

“Now that’s going too far,” Xion appeared at the door, and Roxas let her pass through until she was standing outside, in front of Kairi. For once, Kairi barely noticed Sora’s face.

Kairi stared, trying to decide on what to say. Xion smiled. “It’s good to talk to you, Kairi. We saw each other at Ven’s party, but I didn’t think you wanted to talk.”

“I didn’t,” Kairi admitted. “I talked to Riku about… everything. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I think it’s obvious I spoke to my friends, too, so of course it doesn’t bother me. I heard you say you wanted to apologize. What for?” Xion started to walk, and Kairi followed her.

“Avoiding you,” Kairi said. “None of what happened was your fault, it was all on me. My idea. And then I acted like I didn’t want to be around you, which isn’t true. I like being around you. And I _am_ sorry.”

Xion turned her head, and Kairi thought she saw her blush.

 “It’s alright,” Xion said. “You just miss Sora. I get it.”

She did, but Kairi thought Riku was right, maybe that wasn’t all that was going on. Roxas had talked about her giving Xion false hope – but for what? Kairi wanted to ask, but a part of her was afraid of the answer. Maybe it was something she didn’t want to hear, or maybe it was something she did, and just thought she shouldn’t.

Kairi couldn’t quite classify what her relationship with Xion was.

“I…” Kairi hesitated. “I like it when I see Sora in you. I know you think it isn’t healthy for me, and maybe you’re right. But I feel like… like it’s better than not seeing Sora at all.”

“The end goal of our relationship for you is Sora,” Xion agreed, and Kairi didn’t really like how she put it. But she wasn’t wrong, not entirely. Kairi’s head felt like it was all over the place, talking to Xion. “And you’re right that I don’t think it’s what you should be doing. If you keep telling yourself I’m Sora, it will keep hurting more when it turns out I’m not.”

But it didn’t hurt. Not afterwards. Not more than it did at any other point.

Regardless of whether she pretended to be with Sora or not, Xion still looked like him. The times where she pretended to be with Sora were the only times it _didn’t_ hurt.

“I don’t think you really get it,” Kairi said. “But then again, I’m not sure _I_ get it either. This whole thing has been a bit of a mess.”

“You’re not wrong,” Xion nodded, then looked at Kairi. Kairi noticed it was the same look Sora always gave her, and it made Kairi’s heart beat faster. “But I’ve agreed to everything that has happened so far, even if I don’t get why. I want you to know that hasn’t changed.”

“So you’d be alright with it if I kissed you again?” Kairi heard herself ask, without meaning to. She had thought a lot about that kiss, but until that point doing it again hadn’t truly occurred to her.

Xion gave her a startled look, then looked away. Kairi waited for her answer, feeling a bit nervous.

Their weird relationship seemed to be getting weirder, and maybe Kairi was fine with that.

“I’m fine with it,” Xion finally said. “Just warn me first, last time was a bit of a surprise.”

It had been a surprise for both of them. But it wasn’t a surprise anymore, was it? Kairi knew what kissing Xion felt like, and it was the closest she had ever gotten to kissing Sora. And she did want to do it again.

Looking at Sora’s face, it was easy to forget everything else.

“Can I kiss you now?” Kairi asked, and smiled at the answering nod.

It was a better kiss than the first. That was Kairi’s first thought. The first time, it had been a surprise, and neither had truly relaxed into the kiss.

It was different now.

Asking first had been a good idea.

When it was over, Kairi kept her eyes closed, and linked her forehead to – _Xion’s_. Maybe because she didn’t know how kissing Sora felt like, but it had been easy to forget she hadn’t been kissing him.

Kairi opened her eyes, and Xion was looking at her. Kairi smiled. “Thank you, Xion.”

Xion’s looked down for a moment, before smiling back at Kairi. “I think that was better than the first one.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Kairi grinned, relaxing.

Kairi wanted to kiss Xion again. And that was a weird realization, because she wasn’t thinking of Sora now, but of Xion. That hadn’t been the case during the kiss itself, but afterwards…

Yes, the issue with kissing Xion wasn’t that it hurt to realize it wasn’t Sora.

It was that she stopped thinking about Sora, and she wasn’t sure that was a good idea. So long as she thought she was kissing Sora, she wasn’t betraying him.

Thinking of kissing Xion was a betrayal, though, wasn’t it?

Kairi’s smile faded. What would Sora think of all this when he returned?

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Kairi said, her words coming out fast from her mouth, she barely realized what she was even saying. “I have to go.”

Xion looked at Kairi startled, and Kairi felt guilty.

“This wasn’t a good idea, was it?” Xion asked, clearly not expecting an answer.

Kairi wasn’t sure she was right, maybe that had been too good of an idea.

Kairi just… wasn’t sure.

She wasn’t sure of _anything_.

“I’ll explain what’s going on later,” Kairi promised, because she didn’t truly want things to end badly between her and Xion just then. She couldn’t… “I’m not sure what’s happening right now either, I just know I need to be alone.”

Kairi started walking away, and when she looked back, Xion was still standing on the same place, her back to her.

Kairi hadn’t meant for things to go so wrong.

But she had to leave.


	8. Chapter 8

When she first saw Roxas’ Gummi Ship land in the play island, Kairi didn’t think too much about it.

After all, Roxas had his thing with Naminé, so it made sense he would want to visit her, even if Naminé was still denying anything was happening between them.

“Naminé isn’t home,” Kairi said, as soon as she opened the door to find him there. “She’s-

“I’m here to talk to you,” Roxas cut her off and passed through the door, and Kairi had to move out of the way to avoid him running into her.

Kairi had no idea what Roxas could possibly want with her. Out of everyone in their little Keyblade wielding group, Roxas was by far the one she talked to the least.

But the last time she had seen Roxas, he did say…

“Oh,” Kairi said. “This is about Xion, isn’t it?”

It was the only thing that made sense. Roxas had warned her they would be having a conversation if she hurt Xion again, and that was exactly what had happened, wasn’t it?

“Xion is my best friend, and I respect her right to make her own choices, but when my friend is repeatedly hurt by someone who claims to care about her, I can’t help but get involved,” Roxas stood there, close to the door, looking very serious.

Kairi was beginning to understand why even Xemnas seemed unnerved by Roxas’ presence, back in the Keyblade Graveyard.

“I know I hurt Xion again, but I promised I’d talk to her later,” Kairi protested. “I stand by what I said, Roxas, all this has nothing to do with you.”

“Of course it has to do with me! I stand by what I said, too, and that’s why I’m here.”

“You’re here because you want to protect Xion. Maybe she knows what she’s doing, and doesn’t need your protection.”

“Xion definitely knows what she’s doing, and that’s the problem. The only one who doesn’t seem to realize what’s happening is you!” Roxas accused.

“Then enlighten me, Roxas, what is happening?”

“You’re taking advantage of Xion’s feelings by repeatedly using her just because you miss Sora,” Roxas said. “Newsflash, Kairi! You’re not the only one who misses him. Sora is my other, and every day he’s gone it feels like a part of me is missing. Ven feels the exactly same way, and so does Xion. I don’t even really like Riku, and I can see how much Sora’s disappearance is hurting him. But none of us are doing what you’re doing.”

“None of you see what I do when you look at Xion,” It was different. If it wasn’t for her seeing Sora’s face, Kairi wouldn’t have done any of this.

“Of course we don’t, because we actually respect Xion’s right to be her own person, instead of constantly pretending she’s the person she came from,” Roxas said, and Kairi noticed their voices were raising. Soon enough this fight might result in actual screaming. “You’re no different from when Saïx saw Xion as a wooden puppet. And you’re hurting her just as much as he did.”

Kairi didn’t know much of the story they had in the Organization, but it wasn’t a secret that Isa’s Nobody had had a complicated relationship with Roxas and Xion. Maybe Roxas’ overprotectiveness with Xion had to do with whatever had happened back then.

But what she was doing was different. Kairi knew Xion wasn’t Sora, and she didn’t want Xion to be him, not really. She thought Xion knew that, but maybe she didn’t. Or maybe Roxas was just reading the situation wrong.

“I know Xion is her own person. I didn’t run away last time because I realized that Xion wasn’t Sora, or anything like that. I ran because for a moment I didn’t want Xion to be anyone else.”

“What does that even mean?” Roxas asked. He sighed, looking a little less angry. “I’m not sure you understand Xion’s thoughts and feelings. And maybe that’s what the problem truly is, you don’t _want_ to understand them. Because it’s easier on you.”

“Then enlighten me, Roxas. What are Xion’s feelings?”

Roxas narrowed his eyes. “If you want to know, maybe you should stop beating around the subject and actually ask her.”

“So you came all this way to tell me nothing?” Kairi felt frustrated, because she knew Roxas was trying to say something, but for some reason she just couldn’t understand what that was.

“It’s not my place to talk about things Xion told us in confidence,” Roxas crossed his arms, and Kairi took a step back. “But it sure says something that you want me to, when you could just talk to her instead.”

The issue with that was…

“I do want to talk to Xion, but…” Kairi sighed. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea, for either of us. It seems us being around each other always results on Xion getting hurt in some way, and despite what you think that’s not what I want.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I want Sora,” Kairi said honestly. That was the truth of the matter, at the end of the day, Kairi would give anything to get him back. “And I want to be able to see Xion like everybody else does, because then things will be different. But I can’t control who I see, Roxas. This wouldn’t have been my first choice.”

“Right,” Roxas nodded. “Xion wouldn’t be your first choice. And that’s exactly why you need to stop doing… all this. Xion is going to get hurt, worse than she already has, and you’re going to be completely clueless because what you want is Sora.”

“Xion knows that.”

“That doesn’t make it right!”

Kairi looked down, knowing that Roxas wasn’t wrong.

Kairi didn’t mean to hurt Xion, but that was what happened when they were together, because Kairi wished to be with Sora instead.

But that wasn’t all of it. If it was, then last time wouldn’t have happened, because everything was fine until Kairi realized…

“Maybe Sora isn’t all I want,” Kairi admitted. It was hard to say it, because she didn’t quite know what it even meant. But at the same time… “I’m not sure I know what I want, when it comes to Xion.”

“Then figure it out,” Roxas said, softly. Kairi was surprised to notice his anger at her seemed to have disappeared, all of a sudden. Maybe she had said what he wanted to hear? But for her, it didn’t seem like she had said much. “Xion is my best friend, Kairi. Basically my sister, at this point. And I want her to be happy, and as much as I think it would be easier otherwise, you’re a part of her happiness. But what I want for her won’t happen until you figure out what you truly want.”

“And what if my answer isn’t the one you hope for?”

“Then at least Xion will have an answer as well, and this whole thing will be over,” Roxas said. “I don’t like the way you treat her, but maybe that could change. You just have to realize this isn’t about Sora, at least not for Xion.”

“Riku says he thinks Xion wants to take care of me, since Sora can’t,” Kairi said, leaning against the wall as she thought over what Roxas said.

“Xion definitely wants that, and I don’t think that’s removed from her connection to Sora, but what’s happening between you doesn’t have to be about Sora just because that’s how it began.”

Kairi remembered thinking something similar not too long ago, so maybe there was truth to what Roxas was saying.

“This goes to you, too,” Kairi said. “Your relationship with Naminé coming from my relationship with Sora doesn’t mean that what you’re feeling is fake.”

Roxas looked at Kairi, a bit surprised. Then he looked away, but Kairi could see he was thinking about what she said.

“Kairi…” Roxas began, then hesitated. “I think… I think that maybe I overreacted today. But it’s true, to me, that you have to decide what you want. And maybe you need to know the full story to do that, so please have that talk to Xion you said you would.”

 “I thought you wanted me to stay away from her.”

“I want Xion’s happiness,” Roxas said, simply. “Now…” He stopped, and then averted his eyes, like he was trying to avoid Kairi’s gaze. “Where did you say Naminé was?”

Kairi fought back a laugh, a bit surprised by the question.

But as she had listened to what Roxas had told her, maybe he had listened to her too.

Kairi watched Roxas leave after telling him where Naminé had gone, and sighed.

She really needed to talk to Xion, didn’t she?


	9. Chapter 9

It took Kairi a week to gather courage to go visit Xion.

There were many thoughts running around her head, and she wasn’t sure she even understood most of them. It was like… like she didn’t know what she wanted. Like she didn’t understand herself.

And despite everything else, Kairi had always known what she wanted. To learn more about her own past. To grow stronger and fight alongside her best friends. To protect Sora. To be _with_ him.

Now Sora was gone, and Kairi felt more confused than ever before, not just because of Sora, but also because of Xion.

And for that reason, it was hard to talk to her. And not just because Kairi saw Sora when she looked at Xion – that was how it began, but it wasn’t true anymore.

But Kairi knew Roxas was right, that she needed to know Xion’s side of the story, and then maybe she would finally figure everything out.

Walking through Twilight Town – it was automatic now. Every time she came to this world, it was with one purpose only. To see Xion.

There were many patterns between them at this point, most of which Kairi knew they had to break.

Xion wasn’t wrong to think their relationship was unhealthy to Kairi, but maybe not for the reasons she thought so. But Kairi had realized their relationship was probably worse to Xion, even though Xion did know what she was doing.

Kairi just wanted to know why it was like that. What Xion was hiding, why Xion went along with what she did, always.

It didn’t take long to find Xion, she was playing that game the Twilight Town kids liked – Struggle? – against Roxas.

Watching the two of them move around… it was clear they knew the game – and how the other played – better than Kairi knew how to fight. They may not be wielding their Keyblades anymore, but they did spend one year under the Organization. And what they learned during that time, it showed.

Their friends were watching, and Kairi sat next to Isa.

“Who are you rooting for?” Kairi asked him while looking at the timer, the round was about to end.

“Officially, no one,” Isa said, not taking his eyes out of the match. “But… I have a bet with Lea.”

Kairi snorted, but didn’t say anything. She wondered which of them would win the bet, but she supposed it didn’t really matter. She didn’t think this was part of an official tournament, just two best friends joking around. Not too different from Sora and Riku’s constant races, back when they were all in Destiny Islands.

The timer ran out, and Roxas waved his bat in the air. Apparently he had won.

Lea looked suspiciously happy at the result, so Kairi thought she knew who won the bet, after all.

“Loser buys the ice creams,” Roxas teased Xion, who nodded.

“Yeah, yeah,” Xion smiled. “I’ll get you next time.”

The two of them walked to the audience, and Kairi locked eyes with Xion for a moment.

It looked like a cliché, two people forgetting the rest of the world existed to look at each other. And that fact wasn’t lost on Kairi.

“Are you going up the clock tower with us, Kairi?” Lea asked, as they all got up.

Kairi had wanted to talk alone to Xion, but she supposed there wasn’t anything wrong with having some fun with the larger group first.

“Yeah, sure,” Kairi nodded, getting up as well.

Xion did buy all the ice creams, and considering how many friends she had, Kairi thought that was probably quite a bit of money. Maybe she was doing some odd jobs after school? Though she supposed defeating Heartless gave quite a bit of money as well, and Kairi believed Xion and Roxas were still helping out around town despite being mostly retired.

They all went up the clock tower, and Kairi didn’t say much as they talked. She kept looking at Xion, thinking about how their conversation would go when they got around to it.

When they were finally leaving, Kairi put a hand on Xion’s arm. “I want to talk to you. Can you stay up here a bit longer?”

Xion nodded, and Kairi couldn’t guess what she was thinking.

Roxas seemed to notice they weren’t following everyone else out, and for a moment Kairi thought he’d protest despite the conversation they had had. But he gave Kairi a serious nod, and she returned it.

After everyone left, Kairi sat down again, and Xion sat next to her.

“I need to stop starting my conversations with you by apologizing, but I am sorry,” Kairi began.

“It hurt this time, Kairi,” Xion admitted, and Kairi winced. “More than it had before.”

“Roxas went to visit me,” Kairi said. “So I know how much I messed up. He was very frank.”

“I didn’t tell him what happened so he would do that, I swear.”

“No, no,” Kairi said. “I deserved it.”

“Why did you run away?” Xion asked.

“I panicked, I’m sorry,” Kairi took a deep breath. “I know it isn’t an excuse, but things haven’t been easy for me, lately. Sora’s gone, because of me, and before that… well, things haven’t been easy in ages. But throughout it all, I… had it together, mostly. Being with you changed that. I never know exactly what I need anymore.”

“Things haven’t been easy on any of us,” Xion said. “I’m not saying you can’t feel the way you do, because your own feelings are valid too, but you’re not… you’re not the only one who suffered. Who’s still suffering.”

“I know, and I’m not saying those things because I think what I did was justified, but I’m just… trying to make you see my side of the story. Just like I want you to tell you yours, because I think I’m missing something important here.”

“What do you want me to say?” Xion laughed, but there wasn’t any humor in it. “I spent one year with Sora’s memories twirling around my head. More than that, for most of that time, they were his memories of you.”

“I know that, but… I don’t know what that was like. If your connection to Sora is why, shouldn’t that be over? You’re your own person, and you don’t have his memories anymore.”

“You really don’t get it do you?” Xion turned away, and when she looked back at Kairi, Kairi saw an expression she recognized quite easily on Sora’s face. It was the same way Sora used to look at her, and Kairi felt as breathless as she did when Sora did it. “I dreamed of you every night for months, Kairi. Even now that I don’t have Sora’s memories anymore, you’re still everything I see.”

Kairi looked at Xion, and for a brief moment it wasn’t Sora that she saw. It didn’t last, but Kairi was fairly certain that, for the first time, she had just seen the way Xion looked to everyone else.

Kairi stared, trying to get the image of her own face back. It didn’t make sense that she preferred it, but things would be so much easier, in so many ways, if she just saw Xion like everybody else did. And she wanted to, truly. Not just because it would be easier, but because…

She didn’t say anything, mesmerized by finally knowing what Xion looked like.

“Did I… Did I say too much?” Xion asked, after the silence between them went on for long enough it became awkward.

“I…” Kairi swallowed, trying to talk. “I think you said exactly enough.”

Kairi thought she understood now. What Xion was trying to say.

What had been true all along.

Xion was in love with her.

And maybe that was due to her connection to Sora, but that didn’t mean her feelings were fake. Wasn’t that exactly what she had talked about with Roxas? That had to be what Roxas had been trying to say all along.

In hindsight, she probably should have figured that one out sooner, maybe she just hadn’t wanted to.

Kairi looked to the perpetual sunset of Twilight Town, trying to figure out what was the right thing to say after learning something like that.

Maybe there was no such thing.

“Meaning what, exactly?” Xion asked, and when Kairi looked back at her, Xion looked down, blushing.

“Meaning that… I finally understand why you remind me of Sora sometimes, the way you look at me. It’s even more obvious with his face, I don’t know why I never realized it before,” she said, though she knew that wasn’t entirely true. She never realized it before because it gave her an excuse not to think about what Xion meant to her.

It made it easier to pretend it was all about Sora.

“I have to say I don’t know how I look at you,” Xion said awkwardly, still not looking at her.

Kairi smiled a little, and couldn’t stop the words that came next. “I suspect quite similar to the way I look at you.”

Xion still didn’t look up, and Kairi realized she probably misunderstood her words, thinking it was only about Sora.

Kairi hesitated, wanting Xion to look at her again. From Xion or Sora, that special look reserved only for her… it was good to see. It meant a lot.

And at the moment, the one she wanted to see was Xion.

But she couldn’t say it yet, she felt like she had already said too much. Despite everything, she couldn’t help but think of Sora. He had sacrificed himself for her, could she move on? Though despite the fact that she did have feelings for Xion, she didn’t think she _had_ moved on from him. Was it possible to just like both?

“Are things between us going to be awkward from now on?” Xion asked, finally looking up again.

Kairi smiled. “In all fairness, I think things between us were already awkward, so that can’t really have changed much.”

Xion laughed a little, and the silence between them felt less heavy this time. Kairi didn’t think she was ready to say anything, but she didn’t feel like she had to. Xion really was too understanding for her own good.

Kairi noticed a while later they had been looking into one another’s eyes the whole time, and she felt herself blush. She looked at the sunset instead then, recognizing that despite how breathtaking it was, looking at Xion had felt better.

“Do you ever get tired of the never-ending sunset?” Kairi asked, just because.

“Hasn’t happened so far, I don’t really think it ever will,” Xion said, getting up from her spot.

“Don’t you ever get afraid you’ll fall from the clock tower?” Kairi got up as well, and followed Xion down the stairs.

“Not really,” Xion shrugged. “I did fall once, but worst case scenario I could probably have summoned a dark corridor last second, if Roxas hadn’t caught me. Now I can’t summon corridors anymore, but we’ve done this so often I’m already used to it.”

If Kairi had ever fallen down the clock tower, she doubted she would ever get up there again.

“I should probably go home,” Xion said after they reached the ground. “I’ll be seeing you soon?” She asked, looking a bit hopeful.

Kairi was the one to look away this time. “For sure.”


	10. Chapter 10

Despite what Kairi had said, it took a while for her to see Xion again.

This time, it really wasn’t her fault. She had taken up Keyblade training with Terra again, and that was how most of her free time had been spent. While she did want to talk to Xion again - and it still gave her a strange thrill to know Xion was in love with her - she also had to train, because her performance at the Keyblade Graveyard… hadn’t been good.

She wanted to be able to protect her friends the next time something evil happened. It was a nice thought - fighting alongside Riku and Sora and Xion as equals, being with them without needing to be the one protected.

Maybe it was just her deluding herself, but a part of her felt like Sora was closer, that he was coming home soon. Of course, him being closer didn’t mean he was actually  _ close _ , because it had been a long time since he disappeared.

“Do you need a break?” Terra - Master Terra - asked, and Kairi realized she had lost her concentration in the training.

She shook her head. “Sorry, won’t happen again.”

“You were thinking about Sora?” Terra asked, and it occurred to Kairi that he had never actually seen the two of them together, outside of that one moment between them returning and Sora disappearing, and yet he knew of their relationship.

She wondered if everyone had expectations about how certain it was they’d end up together when Sora returned.

“Him too, but… not just him,” Kairi admitted.

“If you need to talk, I’m always here,” Terra offered.

“Thank you, Master, but I’d rather keep some of my thoughts just in my head for now,” Kairi said, going back into position. The only one she thought would feel right to discuss all this would be Xion - not just because of her connection to Sora, but also because… she felt like if there was anyone who could understand what she was feeling, it would be Xion.

“Let’s keep going then,” Terra said with a nod, and Kairi nodded back.

A while later, Kairi had to admit that Terra’s training was exactly what she needed. She could feel herself building up strength in a way Merlin, with his strong focus on magic, couldn’t have. It was a shame Terra hadn’t been around to train her before the final battle, maybe…

Kairi stopped herself, it wasn’t a good idea to stay too much in thoughts of what-ifs.

“Need some water?” Kairi heard, and with a smile she turned back to look at Xion, who was offering her a water bottle.

“Xion! What are you doing here?” Kairi asked, before realizing how that sounded. “Not that you shouldn’t be here, because of course you can be here, after all… You know what, maybe I should just stop talking.”

Being tongue-tied around Xion was new. Being tongue-tied at all was new, honestly. With Sora, she had known him so well it was easy to make him the one flustered, even if she wouldn’t have admitted it was on purpose.

Xion laughed, and passed Kairi the water bottle. “Ven told me you were around here a lot, and I…” Xion looked away, and Kairi could note a faint blush. “I wanted to see you, is all.”

“You are certainly welcome to visit me whenever you want to,” Kairi said, a part of her still trying to see Xion’s true form.

In truth, it was probably weird that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about seeing her own face - when generally the only thing she would need was a mirror - but… it was different, somehow.

“I’m curious, why did you want to train with Terra and not Aqua? She’s the one who gave you the bequeathing, right?”

“She did that by accident,” Kairi pointed out. “I trained so much magic with Merlin and Lea that my actual strength is lacking, and Master Terra’s the one to go to for building up strength.”

“So soon enough you’ll be just as jacked?” Xion asked with a smirk.

“I’ll have you know I’d look really good with all those muscles!”

“Believe me, I don’t think it’s possible for you to not look good,” Xion stopped for a beat. “Is it weird to say that when we look exactly alike?”

Kairi laughed, because that wasn’t too different from her own thoughts. Xion’s personality was mirrored after her, after all. And wasn’t that also weird, if you stopped to think.

“I think our lives make it impossible for things to not be weird,” Kairi said.

“I feel Sora’s closer, do you feel that way too?” Xion asked after a moment, and Kairi sobered a little. It was one thing if she was the only one with that impression, but if Xion thought the same thing…

“I’ve been thinking the same thing, but…” Kairi sighed. “I feel like I’m just getting my hopes up again. After the disaster that was Verum Rex, I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m doing it anyway. That happened with Verum Rex too.”

“Roxas mentioned something like that too, Ven actually went to Twilight Town to ask us if we were having the same feeling,” Xion said, and Kairi could feel her heart beating faster. If they were right and Sora returned soon... “I haven’t felt my connection to Sora this strong since the last time I saw him.”

And they both knew when the last time she had seen him had been.

“You know…” Kairi found herself saying, even though she feared the consequences of her words. “Sora returning, it won’t change us.”

“You’re in love with him,” Xion pointed out like it was obvious, and Kairi supposed it was.

“Of course, but that hasn’t stopped any of what happened between us so far, has it?”

Kairi knew she had to find a way to define how she felt about Xion - but the fact that she didn’t know how to do so didn’t mean she wasn’t aware that her feelings for Xion were getting stronger. Even when they didn’t see each other, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. And it wasn’t just an extension of her feelings for Sora anymore. If it had ever been.

“In any case,” Xion said, drawing her Keyblade. With the replica Kingdom Key, Sora’s stance and Sora’s face, seeing Xion was like seeing Sora in so many ways. “I’m a bit rusty, but why don’t we see how your training with Terra is going?”

Kairi smiled. The last time they had crossed blades, it had been on opposite sides, before Sora had been able to get Xion to remember who she was with Roxas’ help. Maybe doing so in a friendly situation would help get over the scars of the Keyblade War

The two fought for a while, and while Kairi had already begun tired due to her training with Terra, she didn’t want to stop. For some reason it was easier to keep concentration than when she was away from Xion, even though her thoughts were usually on Xion or Sora.

After they stopped, Kairi picked up the water bottle Xion had offered her earlier, almost too tired to even drink.

“You’re doing better than when we fought,” Xion said, leaning back against the wall. “I don’t remember much about that day prior to Roxas saying my name, though.”

“I remember that you could use Saix’s weapon during that fight, can you still do it?”

“Uh, technically?” Xion said, summoning it. “It’s too heavy though, so when we fight Heartless in Twilight Town, I usually just use my Keyblade. Not that… it’s actually mine. It’s a replica of Sora’s, which I suppose was originally supposed to be Riku’s? All that stuff is still confusing.”

“Lea wasn’t wrong when he complained about how confusing it all is, back when we were in Master Yen Sid’s tower preparing for the war,” Kairi said with a smile, remembering Lea’s comments. “We lead confusing lives.”

“But at least we don’t have to do so alone.”

“Yeah,” Kairi nodded. “I think we all have more friends than we know what to do with these days. Life has certainly grown from just small kids in the Destiny Islands.”

“Would you have imagined all this back when the three of you were building that raft?”

“No,” Kairi said. “But… maybe it’s not so bad that we ended up here, or at least it won’t be when Sora returns. We are who we are because of what happened to us, and if I may say so myself, I think we all turned out pretty great.”

Xion moved from her place against the wall to stand closer to Kairi, and Kairi moved her hand to cover Xion’s. Xion looked at their hands but didn’t say anything, so Kairi stayed silent as well.

Kairi could never have imagined they’d end up here, but…

When she thought about the future, Kairi realized she now saw Xion as part of it as well, and not just Sora and Riku. And had things gone differently, Xion may not have ever existed, or at least wouldn’t have returned and no one would have remembered her.

Kairi knew everyone had forgotten Xion, just like she had forgotten Sora. And that was a terrible fate. Kairi was glad she hadn’t forgotten him again, and the thought of forgetting Xion scared her.

That was another reason to fight. To make sure the ones she cared for would never have to be put in a position like that again.


	11. Chapter 11

Sora felt closer and closer.

After so long waiting for him, it seemed impossible to believe he might actually be home soon. But Kairi knew that wasn’t a wrong impression, she knew she wasn’t the only one feeling it. Xion, Roxas, Ventus, Naminé, Riku… they all said that too.

And Sora returning was a good thing - it was the best thing that had happened in ages. At the same time, though… was it? What would happen when Sora returned? When he learned that… during his time away, while he hadn’t been  _ replaced  _ in Kairi’s heart, he certainly wasn’t the only one in it anymore?

It was Sora, so, intellectually, Kairi knew he wouldn’t mind, that he’d understand. But the possibility still scared Kairi. She didn’t want to lose Sora, but she wouldn’t trade what she had with Xion either.

Her mind was so caught up in the possibilities, Kairi had agreed to spend a day helping Naminé redecor her room partly to occupy herself with something else.

It was weird Naminé hadn’t done so yet, when she had already been living with Kairi for a while, but even if she wouldn’t say it, Kairi knew the true reason why. A part of her hadn’t believed it would last, had been too afraid of getting used to living, only for things to change.

Kairi didn’t know much about Naminé’s former life, but she did know the things that had happened to her had hurt Naminé deeply. And if her wanting to make her room an actually personal place to live in made her feel better, Kairi was happy to help. The idea of doing something that would stop her from thinking too much was just a bonus.

“I really like that the walls aren’t white,” Naminé said, looking at the room they were in. “I’ve lived around too much white. It’s why I wanted this room, and not the one Father first offered me, despite that one being bigger.”

“We could have painted it, if you had said something,” Kairi pointed out.

“I think I’m too used to this one to say something like that now,” Naminé said with a smile. “Back in Twilight Town, I put a ton of pictures on the walls, to try and make the place less… depressing, so I think I might do something similar here?”

“Do you really want to do something that will remind you of Twilight Town, though?” Kairi asked. “I remember you being against the idea of living there when Xion offered.”

“I like drawing, though,” Naminé said. “I just… have bad memories related to Twilight Town.”

“We can do that, then. Pick your favorite drawings and put them on the walls. We can choose the best ones together, since I agreed to help you.”

Naminé nodded, and picked up her sketchbook. Kairi was surprised by how many pages were filled, but she knew Naminé was always drawing.

“Do your powers have anything to do with the pictures, or do you just enjoy drawing?”

“I find it easier to concentrate in memories when I’m drawing them, but I don’t necessarily need to do so. And anyway, I don’t really want to use my powers, while I do want to draw, so they are mostly separate these days.” Naminé said.

The two spent a while looking at Naminé’s sketchbook, and Kairi couldn’t help but notice how much Roxas featured in them.

“Are you and Roxas officially a thing now?” Kairi asked, because she didn’t think Naminé had mentioned anything about him, though in all fairness she was barely in Destiny Islands, between her training with Terra and her tendency to spend most of her free time with Xion.

“We are going slow, trying to figure out who we are outside of… you know, you and Sora,” Naminé admitted. “I like him a lot, though. I thought I had feelings for Sora, back when Castle Oblivion was all I knew, but that doesn’t compare to what I feel for Roxas.”

Kairi noticed she wasn’t jealous, at knowing Naminé might have liked Sora. Maybe because it had been so long ago, and Naminé didn’t seem to still do so.

“You two make a cute couple,” Kairi said.

“And Sora’s return is soon, of course. I bet you can’t wait to see him,” Naminé pointed out with a grin.

Kairi tried to hide her grimace. She was very much excited to see Sora again, but there was a reason she had wanted to avoid the topic. Maybe mentioning Naminé’s own romantic adventures hadn’t been the best idea.

“It’s… complicated,” Kairi said. “After Sora disappeared all I wanted was to see him again, but it’s been a while, and I think I may have become too used to him not being around to judge me.”

“Sora isn’t really the type to judge, though.”

“Sora’s a great guy, and he’s my best friend, but romance doesn’t always result in people acting rationally. And I’m totally including myself on that one.”

“What do you mean? Do you have a new guy?” Naminé asking, looking a little confused. Well, in all fairness, Kairi didn’t have a  _ new guy _ .

“Roxas didn’t tell you anything?” Kairi asked. She knew Xion told Roxas and Lea everything, as well as probably Isa, and a part of her had assumed everyone in their little group had found out in some way about what was going on with them.

“I don’t think Roxas has ever mentioned that you have a boyfriend, no.”

“I don’t,” Kairi said, blushing a little. “Have a boyfriend, that is.”

In all truth, Kairi wasn’t sure she’d say Xion was her girlfriend, but things between them certainly weren’t platonic, so wasn’t that the best way to put it?

“But you do have someone?” Naminé asked.

“Things… have changed recently, between Xion and I,” Kairi admitted. “Actually, it’s been happening for a while. I don’t think we’re dating, exactly, but there is something between us.”

“But you see Xion as Sora, don’t you?”

Kairi had never told Naminé that, but she wasn’t surprised that she knew. In the early days after Sora saved her she had acted so weird around Xion probably everyone had at least assumed that was the case.

“Yes, but that’s… not all. It hasn’t been all of it for a while, though I’ll admit that when it  _ started _ , it was because I missed Sora.”

Naminé cocked her head, still looking a little confused. “I’m not sure seeing your… boyfriend’s face in your girlfriend is the best basis for a relationship.”

“That doesn’t mean what I’m doing is wrong. Sora isn’t here.”

“But will you stay with Xion after Sora returns? What if when he comes back, you realize that all of it was you feeling lonely? Xion’s probably gonna end up hurt, and you will have risked your relationship with Sora for nothing.” Naminé pointed out

Kairi hadn’t thought that way. It seemed like a possibility, but a part of Kairi doubted that was what would happen. Best case scenario, she could just keep going on with Xion at the same time that she dated Sora. At the same time, however…

She knew neither Sora nor Xion would be against that arrangement, but was that the same thing as them both being alright with it?

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Kairi decided, taking Naminé’s sketchbook and looking very intently at it.

“Oookay?” Naminé said. “I think you’ll have to think about it at some point, though. You can’t just avoid it forever.”

“But I very much want to try doing that,” Kairi said, though she knew Naminé wasn’t wrong.

At that point, the doorbell rang.

Kairi decided having to open the door would be enough of a distraction and got up, giving Naminé the sketchbook back first.

A familiar face was expecting her downstairs, and Kairi smiled at seeing Xion. And then the smile disappeared, because… “...Sora?”

“Hey, Kairi!” Sora said, grinning. “Told ya I’d be back before you knew it!”

He had indeed said that, but Kairi had  _ known it _ for quite a while.

All of Kairi’s thoughts ran out of her mind as she went forward and hugged him.

Sora was  _ back _ .


	12. Chapter 12

After Sora returned, everyone had flocked to Destiny Islands. They had never been all together before - there had always been someone missing, and for the longest time it had been Sora himself. Kairi barely had time to react to Sora before everyone had shown up.

And that wasn’t entirely a bad thing, because after the initial rush of seeing Sora - and it actually being Sora - had passed, Kairi had started having doubts again.

While she hadn’t noticed it at first, Sora’s hair was longer. Xion’s appearance had been updated to follow that, which was so weird. A part of Kairi had thought that when Sora came back, she would be able to see Xion’s true form, and for more than just a second, but that hadn’t happened.

“Thought you’d be happier,” Roxas said, and Kairi hadn’t even noticed he was there. “Now that your boyfriend’s back.”

Kairi sighed. “Sora’s not my boyfriend. Officially, at least.”

“Still,” Roxas nodded towards Sora, who was laughing at something Ventus said. “Sora seems happier than last time I saw him. Granted, you were dead.”

“How come you’re joining me in the moping corner instead of enjoying the beach party?” Kairi asked.

“You’re not the only one worried about how things will turn out now that Sora’s back, though I guess I should just lose to Riku in a race again or something. Last beach party kinda got weird after you came back and Sora decided to disappear in your place,” Roxas smirked a bit, and Kairi was glad that Sora’s return meant they could joke about that now.

Even if Kairi still wasn’t in a joking mood.

If she hadn’t gotten herself killed, Sora would never have had to go after her in the first place, and things probably wouldn’t have gotten weird. At the same time, that could mean Xion wouldn’t be a big part of her life, and Kairi wasn’t ready to wish that. So maybe it was best to just accept things for what they were.

Deciding she had spent too long thinking, Kairi made the decision to just go talk to Sora, who was still with Ventus.

“Not everything was bad,” Sora was saying. “I was kinda lost in the abyss for a few months there, but eventually I found my way out, and got to see Neku again! You haven’t met him, but he and his friends are really cool.”

“Who’s Neku?” Kairi asked, and Sora’s grin got wider when he saw her. No one smiled like Sora.

“He’s my friend! We met during my Mark of Mastery. It’s a bit of a long story, and to be honest I didn’t understand most of it. Riku could probably explain it better,” Sora said, moving to stand closer to her.

Kairi had the strange urge to move away a bit, but ignored it. It was Sora, and the last time they had gotten downtime together, they had more or less promised to always be in each other’s lives.

This weirdness she felt wouldn’t last.

“You’re always off in some big adventure, aren’t you, Sora?” Ven asked, looking a bit amused.

“Sometimes I want to just give it all up and stay in the Islands, but,” Sora made a pose. “Someone’s gotta save the worlds, and clearly I’m the best one for the job!”

“But you are gonna stay around for a while, right?” Kairi asked. “I thought you’d stay longer, and then Yen Sid called for your Mark of Mastery, and then you were gone again. And then the Keyblade War happened. And then you disappeared. I’m tired of us… not being together at all.”

“Maybe next time we can go together!” Sora offered. “Ven told me you’re training with Terra, and that your training is really moving along. We made a great team the little we fought together in the war, and you’re probably loads better by now.”

Kairi smiled. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

It was a bit strange, that one of the things Kairi had wanted to tell Sora about the most, he had learned from someone else. When was the last time they had sat down and talked to each other, anyway? Even during his brief stay in the Destiny Islands after defeating Xemnas…

“I’m glad,” Sora said, his ever-present smile disappearing for a bit as he took a more serious expression. “I’m glad that my journey is over and I got to come home to you again. It was the only thing I could think of when I was away.”

Kairi noticed Ven had left, which was probably good considering where the conversation was going.

“I thought about you a lot while I waited, too,” Kairi said. And it was true - every second Sora was gone, she wanted him back. Every second besides for…

“I promise, Kairi, you won’t have to wait for me anymore,” Sora said, taking Kairi’s hands and holding them close to his chest. “No more separations.”

He said that, and Kairi was pretty sure he believed it too. But when had that ever worked for them? Their entire story was about finding each other after being separated.

Kairi was starting to doubt that would ever change.

“We’re connected forever,” Kairi said anyway, because she also doubted that would ever change.

“But being connected isn’t enough!” Sora said. “I want us to be more than that, to be together. Hasn’t the universe given us enough trouble? We’ve earned this happy ending, and we’ve finally gotten it.”

It was a nice thought.

“Well, I’ve always wanted you to be part of my happy ending,” Kairi teased, even if that was true, Sora was easy to mess with.

And sure enough, Sora blushed and looked away, the same way he did since they were kids and Kairi said the slightest thing to imply romance. For all that her relationship with Sora had faced many, many hardships, it had been there for so long, Kairi knew all the steps.

“I know you’re just joking around, but I’m trying to be serious here,” Sora complained, and Kairi couldn’t help but smile at his tone.

“I don’t really do serious well,” Kairi admitted. Messing with Sora was fun, but it was also a way to avoid talking too much about their feelings. Sharing a paopu with Sora had been the most serious she had ever been with him, but otherwise... “But I’m willing to try if you are.”

“I’ve always known I loved you,” Sora said, and while Kairi knew that, it was different to hear him say it. “But for the longest time I haven’t been sure if you felt the same. But you’re my light, you saved me when I was supposed to be lost, and I wouldn’t have been able to go through the past months if I didn’t think of you the whole time. So… it’s time I give this back to you.”

Receiving the lucky charm back - it wasn’t like last time. She had told him to return it to her, and he had done so after his brief stay in the Realm of Darkness with Riku. And when she got it back, when he came home, it felt like nothing else had ever felt before.

This time, though, Kairi just couldn’t feel the same way. The fact that the wayfinder had been necessary again, that they didn’t get to be together every day like they had told Roxas and Naminé they would…

When Kairi had given Sora the charm before his Mark of Mastery, she thought getting it from him would be the same, but it wasn’t.

“Welcome home, Sora,” Kairi said. “I… have a lot to tell you about what happened while you were gone. But I’m so glad you’re back.”

Sora grinned at her, and Kairi smiled back. They didn’t speak after that, just looked at each other, and it almost felt right.

“Hey, Kairi,” Kairi heard Lea, who seemed absolutely clueless that he was breaking a moment. “Isa and I are gonna play some frisbee, wanna join in?” Lea gave Kairi a look that made her realize he knew exactly what he was doing, and that was giving her an out.

Kairi looked at Sora, who gave her a thumbs up. “I’ll see if Naminé is up for talking, since I still owe her an apology, have fun!”

Sora walked away and Kairi observed him for a few moments. “I have absolutely no idea what to do.” Kairi admitted to Lea.

“Well, I hope I at least bought you some time to think.”

It seemed to Kairi she wasn’t doing anything but thinking, but she knew Lea’s heart was on the right place.

Shaking her head, Kairi followed Lea to join Isa.


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey,” Kairi said, walking fast in order to catch up with Xion’s steps.

“Kairi!” Xion said, a bit surprised. “I was going home, today was kinda tiring. Did you want anything? Wasn’t expecting to talk to you today.”

“That’s for sure. We spent all day in the same place and I barely saw you, are you the one avoiding me this time? Because I thought we were over that.”

Xion stopped, a serious expression on her face. She looked a bit apologetic. “I guess I was avoiding you. Sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just…”

Xion trailed off, and Kairi knew what she meant. She also couldn’t blame Xion for it, considering how their relationship had started. Despite what Kairi had said, it made sense Xion wouldn’t believe things between them wouldn’t change now that Sora was back. But it still hurt a little that Xion hadn’t believed it.

“I get it,” Kairi nodded at Xion, and then looked back to see Riku and Sora talking. “Sora’s back, and for all that I wanted that more than anything, it also made things more complicated. But I meant what I said, Sora being back or not doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“And how’s that?” Xion asked. “I told you how I felt, more or less, but… I don’t really know what your thoughts are, when it comes to our relationship.”

“I…” Kairi stopped, because Xion wasn’t wrong. Even if she had told Xion she didn’t want things between them to change, that didn’t mean she felt the same way Xion felt. Was she in love with Xion? She didn’t think so, not yet, but she believed she could be, in time. “I like you.”

Xion still didn’t say anything, and without really thinking about it, Kairi kissed her.

It was a quick kiss, but…

All the things she had thought she was supposed to feel with Sora all day, all the feelings that just weren’t there anymore… they were still there with Xion. Especially this time, the first they ever kissed without the thought of Sora looming on Kairi’s mind.

“I didn’t expect that,” Xion said, blushing.

“I want you to believe in me, I know how things started, but they haven’t been about Sora for a while. I thought you knew that.”

“I do!” Xion said. “I just… Sora and you are the epic love story, and while I’m alright with the two of you… staying an epic love story, I also don’t want to lose you. And I know that if you had to choose, you’d choose him. And you’re allowed to! I’m… not explaining myself well, am I?”

“I get what you mean,” Kairi said. “But I also want you to get what I mean. I love Sora, but maybe… maybe he’s not the one I want anymore.”

“He sacrificed himself for you.”

“I didn’t ask him to do that! I wouldn’t have wanted him to do that. And he did, and then he was gone, and I thought… I thought my life was on hold until he returned, again, but it wasn’t. Sora may have saved me, but that doesn’t mean the two of us need to be together. I’m not obligated to be in love with him just because he saved me!” Kairi knew she was talking too much, but she believed that.

Everyone seemed to have this… expectation that because Sora was always saving her, they were meant to be. And for a long time Kairi herself had believed that too, because when the prince saves the princess in the stories, it means they’ll end up together. But that wasn’t a requirement, and while Kairi still loved Sora, she wasn’t sure she could handle their relationship. Not the way it always went.

“There’s something you’re not saying,” Xion realized. “What is it?”

“I’m tired, Xion,” Kairi admitted. “I’m tired of always waiting for Sora to return, of always thinking the two of us will be together only for it not to happen. I’ve told you that. But now that’s he’s back and things seem calm… I just can’t stop thinking about what will happen when we get separated again.”

“Maybe you won’t be separated again,” Xion said.

“With our history? Doubt that.”

“You can’t give up on your happy ending with Sora just because you’re scared, though,” Xion said. “I want you to be happy, more than anything, and what if you give up on the two of you, only to realize it was what you wanted all along?”

“I know my own mind,” Kairi complained. “Everyone’s always talking about how I might feel differently in the future, but this is how I’m feeling right now. Out of you and Sora, you’re the safe option.”

And as soon as Kairi said that, she realized she had said the wrong thing.

Xion seemed to think the same, because she looked hurt.

“I don’t want you to be with me because I’m safe, because I gave up the Keyblade so I won’t go off in a new adventure the moment I get the call. If we’re together, I want it to be because you like me,” Xion said.

Kairi moved out of the way and let Xion pass, and didn’t say a word as Xion went to her Gummi ship to leave.

Roxas had always left with Lea, so at least they would only find out Kairi had messed things up again later. Kairi walked back to where Sora and Riku were, and Sora grinned at her.

“Are you and Xion friends now? You talked for a while,” Sora said, and Kairi noticed Riku give the two of them a look.

“We’re… close, I think,” Kairi said. It was true enough, assuming the whole safe option thing didn’t result on Xion being too angry at her. “We had a bit of a fight now, though.”

Sora looked worried. “Why? Xion seems like such a nice person. She conforted me after Xehanort killed you, you know. She was the first to say anything, to tell me you’d be alright. We don’t know each other well, but I was glad for that.”

“Xion’s not the problem here, I am,” Kairi admitted. “When it comes to my relationship with Xion, that’s what usually happens.”

“Xion is very forgiving, though,” Riku said. “I know the two of you will be alright soon. You do need to talk to Sora about your relationship with her though.”

“What do you mean?” Sora asked.

“It’s not really a secret,” Kairi said. “I just didn’t really have time to tell you yet. My relationship with Xion isn’t exactly… platonic.”

Sora’s eyes widened, and for the first time since he returned, he seemed a little down. “So we’re… we’re over?”

A part of Kairi wanted to point out they were technically never together, but that would be a lie. Everyone may have been expecting them to be together when Sora returned, but that everyone included Kairi herself. They were together, from the moment they shared that paopu, if not before that.

“We don’t have to be,” Kairi said, despite what she had said earlier, despite how afraid she was of being with Sora only to have him ripped from her again. “Xion says she doesn’t expect us to stop being an epic love story.”

“But is that what you want?” Sora asked, and Kairi felt herself smile. Sora would never change, would he?

Kairi knew it was better to be honest. “I don’t know.”

“I can give you time, no matter how much you need,” Sora said. “I just want you to be happy, Kairi. And it’s not like you needed to wait for me, you didn’t even know if I’d come back.”

Xion and Sora were so much alike, sometimes. Xion came from Sora, and had his memories for a long time, so maybe that made sense. But it wasn’t just that, even despite memories and appearances, their very core was similar.

Which Kairi guessed meant she had a bit of a type.

“You don’t have to wait for me, either,” Kairi said. “I was waiting for you, until suddenly you weren’t the only thing I was looking forward to. If while you’re giving me time, you meet someone, it’s alright.”

Sora put his hands behind his head and grinned, and Kairi found herself smiling back. Regardless of anything else, Sora was such a good friend. “I think you’re the one we’re talking about here. And I’ll respect your decision, whether it’s me, or Xion, or both, or neither of us.”

“Covering all your bases, there, aren’t you?” Riku asked jokingly, and Kairi had honestly forgotten he was there at all.

“Well, I think despite everything, we all know the one she’ll choose isn’t you,” Sora teased Riku, who laughed.

Kairi let herself relax while watching Riku and Sora bicker. It seemed that no matter how much things between the three of them changed, they were still very much the same.

She knew that no matter what happened, she wanted both Sora and Xion in her life. And they had both said they were alright regardless of whether ultimately they ended up together or not. It was the first time in a while where Kairi believed that maybe things really would be alright. And it helped that Sora was back, and they were all together.

The romance part wasn’t as important.


End file.
